Is it reasonable, 

for me to compare what we first had,

to what we are now?

Is it reasonable,

for me to feel as if,

I don't see you enough these days?

Is it reasonable,

for me to even,

think these thoughts?

I don't know, if I'm hiding who I really am from you.

Am I suppressing the words in my head,

because I don't find them

reasonable, myself?

Or am I suppressing them,

in fear of you realising, 

that I'm not what you want?

Or am I forcing myself,

and the way I think,

to what I imagine, 

suits you better?

I don't know, how I should even feel about all of this.

Should I apologise to you,

for not being true,

for not expressing how I feel,

for misleading you into thinking 

that this is okay,

with my silence?

Or should I apologise to me,

for dismissing what I feel,

for changing who I am,

for being untrue to myself,

and for causing my heart,

so much stress and trial?

why I write these things,

I don't even know.

Because,

at the end of the day,

my answer always is;

'I don't know.'